Spring Has Sprung

This morning I went for a walk in the warm sunshine with my mother before getting in my car to drive back across the state to my apartment after spending a few days with family. This was a delightful week of relaxation - much needed after the all-hours stress of preparing for Triduum and Easter liturgies - but now it's time to get back to reality.

The five-plus hours spent driving in the sunshine were prime time for being alone with my thoughts. Since the only source of music I have in my car is the radio, I sometimes let my mind wander while driving. In many ways it forces me to take the time to sort my thoughts in ways I wouldn't give myself time to on a normal day.

Not sure I had any epiphanies today, but I feel refreshed and ready to jump back into my job and projects in my apartment.

One thought I had today - I have not been blogging recently! Obviously I want to change that ;)

Another thought today - Why do we call this season "Spring"? I think my favorite reason I found (based on typing my question into Google...) is that it's "a reference to plants springing from the ground." Seems accurate.

Whatever the reason, I'm happy that the world is turning green and gradually getting warmer, as that makes getting outside a whole lot more inviting. Spring is bringing energy with it this year!

"What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again." ~Suzanne Collins, "Mockingjay" 

Hobbies and Hibernation

After the excitement of Christmas, it can be a bit challenging to find something to be excited about. Winter is cold, long, and sometimes lonely. Going out is either challenging or downright dangerous, depending on the weather, and days are kept short by the quick descent of the sun. I admit, after all the holiday excitement this all presented itself as rather bleak by my estimation.

However, that is why we can get excited about the new year, making resolutions and setting goals to create interest in these days! 

In recent years, I have not had much luck setting goals and keeping them. What with classes and deadlines and the unpredictability of my schedule, creating any sort of routine or trying new things simply did not happen. 

Now, however, I have quite a bit of free time (when I'm not at work) to fill with such things as I please. While it's tempting (and I often give in) to curl up under a blanket and binge-watch tv shows on Netflix, I will quickly go insane with the restlessness that builds up inside me. In the summer I could use up this energy by going for a walk or run, getting outside (oh nature, how I miss thee!), but right now with below-freezing temperatures threatening me, going outside is the last thing I want to do. 

So I work out in my apartment! Staying fit is important to me, and I find that exercising creates more energy if you keep it up, so pushing myself to stay committed to kickboxing and pilates has been a priority. 

Aside from needing physical exercise, my brain also requires a workout. This is where setting goals came in. With more time to spend on random undertakings, I realize that I developed quite a few hobbies when I was in high school - hobbies that fell by the wayside during my college years. Rediscovering these has been inspiring and rewarding, and I have made many plans for creative "projects" that will keep me busy throughout the winter months. 

First up? Making a simple quilt! Yesterday I spent my afternoon cutting out little squares, and I am excited to lay them out and see how it will look. I'm not a quilter by any means, but I am perfectly capable of making a colorful blanket that will make my evenings more cozy! 

Other creative projects I have in the works: 

~learning to draw (I love to paint water colors, but I would like to draw my own pictures to paint. Hence this goal! Today I started working on a fairy drawing book, which was very fun!) 

~scrapbook my college years (Haven't started this one yet, but I would like to document the four years that swept by in a blur!) 

~Writing (what you see on this blog is the result of pushing myself to write more. It's good for me to work on expressing my thoughts clearly, so here is where I can practice!) 

~Costumes (I have a couple costume projects in the works - more on that to come at a later date!) 

For more educational purposes, I have also challenged myself to study German this year, which I have already made a good start on. I've always wanted to learn other languages, and I have a dream of traveling to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland someday, so why not explore the language now!

I'm also developing a book list to work on throughout the year. 

Another larger goal of mine was to join a prayer group or bible study, and I just signed up for one yesterday! I'm excited for it to begin. 

This post has not been overly organized, but I'm just excited about all the things that are beginning. Now, rather than feeling overwhelmed with how cold and dreary the days are, I almost feel overwhelmed with how many things I want to be doing and choosing which project to undertake first!


"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." ~Laura Ingalls Wilder 

"Collateral Beauty"

Sometimes things surprise you.

Sometimes if you approach something with little to no expectations - good or bad - you open yourself up to be surprised by new thoughts, new feelings, that you may not have noticed if you were too focused on what you wanted to see.

Tonight I spontaneously went to see the new movie, "Collateral Beauty," with a friend. While I had seen the trailer and hoped to see the movie, I was not sure what to expect. I had heard the movie received harsh reviews, but let's be honest - many of my favorite movies would not be considered worth seeing by many of the popular rating systems, so I like to assess things for myself.

I mean, let's be honest here: "It's A Wonderful Life" initially flopped, but now is considered a classic - one my family watches every Christmas.

No, I'm not saying that "Collateral Beauty" will necessarily become a classic, and maybe there are technical flaws in the acting, the story arc, the dialogue, or whatever it is that critics feel they must pick apart. But if you simply take the negative things people have to say and never look at the positives, you are missing out on something truly beautiful! (And not just because beauty is in the title.)

This post is not going to be a movie review - not really. I'm not going to give away the story or dig into details of why I loved it. What I am trying to say is that it gave me hope. In a world where we often feel like there is little goodness, where ugliness is glorified and shame exulted, here was a film that tried to explore how we can look past that and rise above it all. No, the grief and pain never go away, but it should never cause you to stop living your life. There is beauty that can come from the wreckage threatening to overpower our senses.

If you are hoping for a movie where in the end either the world burns or everyone is happy, this isn't going to satisfy your cravings. But to me, that's part of why this movie was actually effective. There was an element to it that stayed realistic - people don't heal to the point of being like they were before, they heal into something that is scarred, that has endured, that can continue on. People don't have to succumb to the miserableness of pain and anger and fear; they can confront those things and come out victorious for having engaged in the battle. 

This is a song I've been hearing on the radio a lot lately, and I drove home with the lyrics stuck in my head. Even though the message of this song is focused on a different type of pain, I felt like it applied and wanted to share: 

"Scars To Your Beautiful" by Alessia Cara

And of course I had to finish up with the credit song from "Collateral Beauty:" 

"You've been given a gift, this profound connection to everything. Just look for it, and I promise it's there, the collateral beauty." ~Madeleine, "Collateral Beauty"

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Courageous Kindness

“Have courage and be kind.”

These words from Disney’s 2015 Cinderella have been immortalized by the film and one day I hope to have them painted on my wall as a daily reminder. At first they may seem wispy and romantic, an idyllic phrase used by a fluttery princess, but upon further reflection their meaning deepens to reflect the difficulties and barriers to employing courage and kindness in everyday life.

How many times a day do you think of yourself as being kind? If you look inside yourself and your motives, are you really being kind or is it only an illusion?

Looking up the word “kind” in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, here is the definition I think closest applies:

a :  of a sympathetic or helpful nature

b :  of a forbearing nature :  gentle

c :  arising from or characterized by sympathy or forbearance kind

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Having a conversation with my sister the other day, we were discussing qualities desired in a potential future spouse (as sisters do) and both agreed that kindness should be the foremost inclination, as it translates into many other admirable characteristics.

While it is easy to sit around and talk about qualities we would appreciate in others, I started to wonder if I would qualify as truly kind – whether the kind of man that I would be able to respect and love one day would find me likeable for the same reasons I would wish to like him.

Maybe this self-reflection was not the most exciting way I could spend my day, but it caused me to stop and realize that no – I am not the person that I would wish my future spouse would fall in love with. My knee-jerk reaction is often, to my regret, impatience or selfishness. If I can ever hope to be loved and respected by the type of man I dream of, I must begin to make some changes to better myself as a person.

As I am also looking forward to the coming new year and thinking of setting goals for myself, it seems to be the perfect time to implement some changes. Being an incessant list-maker, of course I start with writing out the areas I would most like to improve in. As we talk about what it means to be kind, I realize that I would like to be a kind person and the only one who can make me so is myself. I cannot control those around me, but I can decide how I shall respond.

Perhaps as a result of spending an increasing amount of time in solitude, I have more time for introspect and observation. After completing the seemingly frantic scrambling that was my college career, slowing down and giving myself time to think has been refreshing and enlightening. I find it also gives me time to notice others around me, as well – there is much that can be missed if one does not look about! Observing the interaction between other people, or my own interaction with others, it amazes me how much of an impact a kind word, a smile, a positive reaction, or having the patience to think before responding, can have in the relationships we have with each other.

Especially important during the holiday season, I hope to proceed in the new year holding this standard high for myself. Maybe it will be contagious to others, perhaps it will make no discernable difference to anyone but myself. But if I can have the courage, muster the energy, and persevere in choosing to be kind above all else, then I can count that as a great accomplishment!

There are many things in this world that we would dearly love to change but are beyond our power to do so. Start with something you can manage, an area that only you have the permission to meddle with and only you can guarantee success if you but try: start with aspiring to kindness in all that you do, and see if it makes a difference in your life and how you see the world.

Have the courage to be kind.

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We cannot be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” ~Maya Angelou

A Swirl of Delight

As I drove home from a quick errand-run in the darkness of evening, I experienced an emotion that I can only describe as glee. It was a sort of bubbly, joyful exuberance that caused me to smile and almost laugh out loud in my car.

Maybe I did let out a giggle or two.

What had put me in this pleasant mood?

I paid someone a compliment.

Sounds silly, I know, but I've always had trouble remembering to be aware of people around me and telling them the things I notice. But this evening I was feeling particularly observant (maybe it's all those Psych episodes I've been watching...I'm ready to pick up on those subtle clues!) and as I checked out my groceries, I noticed the girl bagging groceries had some very dramatic, glittery eye shadow on, and it struck me as very pretty.

Now, I will be the first to say that women to not need to wear makeup, but dash it all it's fun to put on! I tend to keep my makeup minimalistic and subtle, but when I get the chance to dress up for a special occasion or in costume, figuring out exactly how to make my makeup work is one of my favorite parts. It's not that easy - sort of like painting picture! And depending on your facial features and coloring, the styles you can pull of are sometimes limited.

It also tends to be my mode of operation to not "overdo it" with the eyeliner and lipstick - I've tried it a few times, and always ended up feeling ridiculous when I went out in public. It's just not me.

However, when I see someone else who not only has the guts to wear dramatic makeup in public but also pulls it off with flair? That I have an admiration for.

So tonight, in my observant state of mind, I felt that this young lady had put some effort into her appearance and was rocking it - even if it was just to bag groceries!

Now, when I put an effort into an outfit or hair or appearance in some way and feel especially good about it, there is something thrilling about a totally random stranger giving you a compliment. In fact, just a couple of days ago (ironically, also at the grocery store check-out line...) a lady told me she liked my outfit. It was my birthday, and I was wearing one of my favorite outfits - boots, skinny jeans, tunic top, scarf, and my wool coat. Still, it was a highlight to my day that she not only noticed, but felt strongly enough to say something.

It's these little things that help boost a girl's confidence in herself.

As I gathered up my grocery bags, I looked straight at the girl and told her I thought her makeup was really pretty, and pretty on her.

While I've always been nervous about complimenting people, her reaction made it worth it! If she was pretty before, she grew even more so with the smile she gave me, standing up a little straighter and giving her hair a toss - like she suddenly felt pretty.

And then it hit me - it's these little interactions with people, even random strangers you will likely never see again (though I do frequent the grocery store - hey, a girl's gotta eat!) that truly make life exciting. Allowing yourself to be open to the interactions is the hard part - once you make the decision to stop looking inward and notice the people around you, there is a joy that is irresistible. It was this joy that kept me smiling on my drive home and inspired me to write this post.

I don't open up easily. This interaction seems like a nudge, a gentle reminder that I need to keep working on myself - on my attitude, my confidence, my habits - and keep hoping that I'll get there someday!

What if every time you received a compliment, you had an obligation to return the favor by giving someone else, someone random, a word of kindness? Maybe if more people looked at the world with eyes open to what is good and right, instead of constantly griping about what is ugly and distressing, every day could be filled with small moments of glee.

And let's be honest, it's good to have the urge to giggle every now and again!


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia

Enjoying October

October can be such a lovely month. I don't think I've truly appreciated it much in the last few years, being so busy with school and such. This year, however, I have time to enjoy the changing colors, the crisp fall days, and the treats that scream "Autumn" to me!

Taking a walk the other day with my fiancé, I had to pull my camera out a few times to capture some of the vibrancy that surrounded us. While my pictures don't do the scenery justice, here are a few examples of what I've been spoiled with:

My favorite picture of the evening :) 

The sun was making everything glow!

Not the best picture, but I was trying to capture all the different hues on the bluff. 

These leaves were definitely out to grab attention. 

The serene lake. 

These leaves almost looked pink!

At other times, I've enjoyed cozy movie nights:

All the ingredients for a delightful evening!

And have gotten creative in my spare time, breaking out my sewing machine to make these useful little things: 

No more fear of getting things out of the oven!

It has been a lovely month so far, and I anticipate it continuing so. There have been delightful times with friends, family, and even starting to have moments where I feel like I know something at my job.   I hope everyone is enjoying the fall weather as much as I have been! 

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." 

 ~L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)

Settling Into My Dreams

Last time I wrote, I was dealing with the newness of everything – new job, new apartment, new town, new lifestyle. Not saying I’m all done adjusting – trust me there is still a long ways to go! But things are definitely getting more comfortable (mostly).

For one thing, it’s exciting to live in a city that surrounds me with natural beauty. Going on walks with one’s fiancé is always thrilling, but when every turn offers a view that screams to be captured on camera? All the more enticing!

Here are some that I snapped a few days ago:

Walking around this lake takes close to two hours, give or take depending on how leisurely you are taking it.

It was evening, and the water plants were gorgeous!

There is always something so beckoning about a twist in the road...

I love being close enough to see this guy frequently now!

These ducks were terrifying. I stopped to take their picture because they were all "resting" and "serene". As soon as I stopped, however, the all startled and descended as you see here. I caught this picture and ran away fast!

One of my favorite things about my new living situation is that I have a lot of time to just be me and be creative. It’s a fun time of rediscovering things that I missed doing while stressed and busy with school, but now that my evenings are quiet and I don’t have any homework to worry about, I find myself turning to creative outlets that I have long abandoned.

The first? Watercolor! Since I have Fridays off (hey, I work on Sundays so wipe that jealous look off your face. A girl has to have a day for relaxation!) I have the perfect opportunity to dive into a project while I rest. Last week I painted this following in one day:

So much detail left me with a cramped-up right hand that required some TLC afterward, but it was worth it!

Now this week I thought I’d try something different, but then resorted to watercolor again:

This one I spread out over two days (to reduce hand cramping). Not sure how I feel about it overall, but definitely some things that I am proud of.

The plus side of creating my own artwork is putting it up on “my” walls. This wall was blank, boring, and oppressive before; now it’s bright, cheerful, and inviting. I look forward to adding more over time! (*I should note that I do not draw these pictures – I use sets from Red Farm Studio, which are ready to paint! I believe you can find these at www.redfarm.com. I usually find them at a craft store back home.)

A couple of these are from a few years ago, but I wanted to fill out my collage. Maybe I'll replace them soon - or just keep taking over the wall!

Other projects that I have on the back burner involve sewing, scrapbooking, embroidery, statue painting, and – not the least, wedding planning! (that’s a whole different story…so much to think about!) I get super excited about having time to devote to these endeavors!

When I’m not being creative, I’m reading, watching Lord of the Rings commentaries, working out, or trying to figure out something in the kitchen. Of course during the week I spend my days at work, but I love my two weekend days where I can discover new ways to let my imagination roam.

What does the title to this post mean? Well, at some point I sort of forgot how to make goals for myself, how to dream. This new experience is rather a turning point for me, as I attempt to rediscover what makes me tick, what my ambitions are, what I want from life. Never one who was solely career driven, I do crave the freedom to be creative and cozy and adventurous, but that is just the beginning. I look forward to learning more about myself as this year goes on!

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." 
~Eleanor Roosevelt