Courageous Kindness

“Have courage and be kind.”

These words from Disney’s 2015 Cinderella have been immortalized by the film and one day I hope to have them painted on my wall as a daily reminder. At first they may seem wispy and romantic, an idyllic phrase used by a fluttery princess, but upon further reflection their meaning deepens to reflect the difficulties and barriers to employing courage and kindness in everyday life.

How many times a day do you think of yourself as being kind? If you look inside yourself and your motives, are you really being kind or is it only an illusion?

Looking up the word “kind” in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, here is the definition I think closest applies:

a :  of a sympathetic or helpful nature

b :  of a forbearing nature :  gentle

c :  arising from or characterized by sympathy or forbearance kind

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Having a conversation with my sister the other day, we were discussing qualities desired in a potential future spouse (as sisters do) and both agreed that kindness should be the foremost inclination, as it translates into many other admirable characteristics.

While it is easy to sit around and talk about qualities we would appreciate in others, I started to wonder if I would qualify as truly kind – whether the kind of man that I would be able to respect and love one day would find me likeable for the same reasons I would wish to like him.

Maybe this self-reflection was not the most exciting way I could spend my day, but it caused me to stop and realize that no – I am not the person that I would wish my future spouse would fall in love with. My knee-jerk reaction is often, to my regret, impatience or selfishness. If I can ever hope to be loved and respected by the type of man I dream of, I must begin to make some changes to better myself as a person.

As I am also looking forward to the coming new year and thinking of setting goals for myself, it seems to be the perfect time to implement some changes. Being an incessant list-maker, of course I start with writing out the areas I would most like to improve in. As we talk about what it means to be kind, I realize that I would like to be a kind person and the only one who can make me so is myself. I cannot control those around me, but I can decide how I shall respond.

Perhaps as a result of spending an increasing amount of time in solitude, I have more time for introspect and observation. After completing the seemingly frantic scrambling that was my college career, slowing down and giving myself time to think has been refreshing and enlightening. I find it also gives me time to notice others around me, as well – there is much that can be missed if one does not look about! Observing the interaction between other people, or my own interaction with others, it amazes me how much of an impact a kind word, a smile, a positive reaction, or having the patience to think before responding, can have in the relationships we have with each other.

Especially important during the holiday season, I hope to proceed in the new year holding this standard high for myself. Maybe it will be contagious to others, perhaps it will make no discernable difference to anyone but myself. But if I can have the courage, muster the energy, and persevere in choosing to be kind above all else, then I can count that as a great accomplishment!

There are many things in this world that we would dearly love to change but are beyond our power to do so. Start with something you can manage, an area that only you have the permission to meddle with and only you can guarantee success if you but try: start with aspiring to kindness in all that you do, and see if it makes a difference in your life and how you see the world.

Have the courage to be kind.

“One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We cannot be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” ~Maya Angelou