Keep Your Face Always Toward The Sunshine

"Wake up, wake up, the sun cannot wait for long
Reach out, reach out, before it fades away 

You'll find the warmth when you surrender
Smile into the fear and let it fade

Hold on, hold on so strong, time just carries on
All that you thought was wrong is pure again

You can't hide forever from the thunder
Look into the storm and feel the rain

You wanna run away, run away
And you say that it can't be so

You wanna look away, look away
But you stay 'cause it's all so close

When you stand up and hold out your hand
In the face of what I don't understand 

My reason to be brave."

~Josh Groban, Brave

"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them." 

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mom's Grand Adventure

Let me tell you a story. It's short, sweet, and all the same color. 

What follows was an entirely accidental series of pictures taken of my mother while we were recently traveling in Prince Edward Island, Canada. Going through our photos later that evening, we discovered the following sequence and found it exceedingly amusing. Enjoy! 

This is Mom. She is going on an adventure, and she is determined to succeed!  

It can be dangerous, these adventures. One must tread carefully.

But she feels no fear. She is mighty. She is fierce.

An obstacle! She must concentrate as she gets ready...

...and jumps! 

Nailed it. 

Feeling quite pleased with herself, she lets out a foot-pop...

...before striding off into the sunset, satisfied with her adventure. 

The End. 

23

Apparently it's a day for coming clean on the blog. Here's another post that's been on the shelf for months - written in April(!). Maybe it's not what I intended it to be, but I still feel that this year has been a gift in so many ways and it's important for me to share that. Here's to moving forward! 

~*~*~

I'm not sure when it started, but at some point I started looking forward to being 23 years old, believing that on some level I would have life somewhat figured out at that point, old enough to be mature while still being young enough to be excited about the future...

Not sure any of that is true. I know I certainly don't have my life figured out now! 

Last year I thought I would, though. A lot has changed in the last few months, and I've discovered that being 23 isn't so much about having everything figured out as it is allowing myself to figure things out. 

For example: Last year I was graduating college, planning a wedding, and starting my first "real job" as an adult - it seemed like my life was heading in a certain direction and I thought I was okay with that. Now? Well, still working at that real job, but now I'm navigating life as a single adult who no longer has any specific direction in life - and I'm definitely okay with it! 

No, I was not okay with it at first - it's taken a lot to process and wrap my mind around some of these changes. However, I'm realizing that 23 - the year I thought would be so amazing because all my "dreams were coming true" - is turning into an amazing year for completely different reasons: I'm discovering more and more about myself. 

I'm learning what activities I enjoy, I'm learning about my personality, I'm learning about my beliefs. The list goes on, but having this time to really delve into what interests me, without worrying about what anyone else might think, is a truly valuable opportunity to become the version of myself I hope to develop throughout my lifetime. 

It's exciting and unexpected. 

Resting Courage

While getting ready to write a new post (after months, I know!), I discovered this mostly-completed post lurking in my draft section, long forgotten and neglected. While I'm in a more positive place (I think) than when I wrote this post, I thought it seemed appropriate to post this peek inside myself now, because we continue to grow through small acts of courage - like sharing our inner thoughts with others. 

~*~*~

Sometimes I find myself thinking that I am too often ruled by my fears. These fears seem to control my life and force me into a stable existence that, while comfortable and content, lacks a certain zest that makes for a deepening of personality and experience.

What am I afraid of exactly?

Most of the time I couldn't say what my precise fears are. I know I have a slight anxiety in social settings which makes me dread outings despite my longing for human connection.

No, my life if not void of relationships. I have my dearest friends and family who have and I believe always will be there for me when needed. But sometimes distance and time constraints make these interactions infrequent and allow for spaces of time where I am left feeling a lack of true companionship.

When these moments of self-pity and moodiness are allowed to crowd in on my contented lifestyle I begin to ponder how soon I can acquire a cat, which would not fix the problem at all.

Though I do want a cat, I don't want it to be as a problem-fixer - I want it to be a little adorable kitten that I can love and that will love me. No expectations from either party, simply an amiable co-existence with benefits of purring and cuteness.

And that will happen when the time is right, not before.

Back to the topic at hand...

While reading a book today there was a character expressing his frustration that the girl couldn't know something because she had never lived. While the situation and characters are being taken out of context here, something about that line struck a cord with me. Have I lived? Am I living? How can I know?

Fast-forward a few hours to me taking an online quiz - as I sometimes do for light amusement - to "determine your dominant personality trait" (found here). Oh, of course I know these quizzes are horribly inaccurate and the answers are to be taken with several grains of salt, but when I got the result of "courage" I was taken aback. Am I courageous?

Intellectually, I know that to be courageous is not the absence of fear - it wouldn't really be courage if you were not afraid. (Maybe I learned that from watching The Princess Diaries numerous times - "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the knowledge that something else is more important than fear" - but it's still a valid lesson!) But do I really apply that knowledge to my life?

I am now reminded of another movie quote - "Do not fear, young Peregrin Took. You will find your courage." ~The Fellowship of the Ring

Perhaps I have simply not been tested yet. I have an idea that I actually am a very brave person, but have not yet had the outlet to exercise that portion of my personality. Right now it's brimming under the surface. Meanwhile I shall ponder my own philosophies and realize what portions of life are truly important enough to me that I should fight for them. When the time is right, I know I can be fiercely courageous and I look forward to the day I can prove that to myself.

Day of Rest

How often do we allow ourselves to simply sit in the sunshine, unplugged and unattached from the bustling world, and allow our surroundings to soak in?

I hadn't realized how much I craved this tranquility of mind and body until I began exploring it the other day. Taking a walk and allowing myself to be distracted by every beautiful thing that caught my eye was swiftly proclaimed my new favorite way to pass an afternoon.

So when I saw my Sunday afternoon open, a clear sky framing a smiling sun, and a delightful book waiting for my attention, I was only too thrilled to pack an impromptu picnic and drive down to the lake again.

This time I didn't wander, but quickly selected a bench that seemed idyllic in its location for view and access to sun, then settled in for an afternoon of serenity and calm.

Alternating reading - becoming immersed in the dear story of "Emily of New Moon" by L.M. Montgomery - with gazing out across the water and allowing my own thoughts to traverse realms unexplored has been the perfect 'day of rest'.

I didn't listen to music or check my phone every two minutes, but allowed the sounds of birds and wind, passing people and cars, to pervade my senses alongside the wafting aromas of blooming trees all around.

The stillness and beauty of my surroundings were so invigorating, so intoxicating, that I was loathe to uproot myself and return to my apartment. Dear as my little home is, I am rediscovering what was well-known to me in my youth - being surrounded by nature and the glorious beauty of God's creation is my favorite place to be, and I do not intend to forget that again.

So, if you are reading this, dare yourself to try a sample of my newfound serenity: find an outdoor corner of the world and just allow yourself to sit for a while - preferably an hour or two - and watch your worries fade away in the glory of the sunshine.

"'This is one of the places where dreams grow,' said Emily happily." 

~L.M. Montgomery, Emily of New Moon

A Golden-Fine Day

There is something sublimely pleasant about finding a private corner in the outdoor world and sitting down to enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of the world - to feel nature surrounding you.

Today I enjoyed myself, sitting on a swinging bench, strolling along the lake under trees, pausing to take pictures or jot down thoughts in my journal. I hope to spend many days in exactly this way throughout the summer, as I find myself thrilled down to my toes when I can take the time to wander in the gloriously beautiful world God has blessed us with.

I won't ramble on too much today, but rather share some of the pictures of things I found captivating as I made my way along the walking path - pausing to capture little birds, turtles, trees, and flowers so I could remember how they made me smile. May they make you smile, too!

"I think the nicest thing about days is their unexpectedness. It's jolly to wake up like this on a golden-fine morning and day-dream for ten minutes before I get up, imagining heaps of splendid things that might happen." ~L.M. Montgomery, Rilla of Ingleside 

Spring Has Sprung

This morning I went for a walk in the warm sunshine with my mother before getting in my car to drive back across the state to my apartment after spending a few days with family. This was a delightful week of relaxation - much needed after the all-hours stress of preparing for Triduum and Easter liturgies - but now it's time to get back to reality.

The five-plus hours spent driving in the sunshine were prime time for being alone with my thoughts. Since the only source of music I have in my car is the radio, I sometimes let my mind wander while driving. In many ways it forces me to take the time to sort my thoughts in ways I wouldn't give myself time to on a normal day.

Not sure I had any epiphanies today, but I feel refreshed and ready to jump back into my job and projects in my apartment.

One thought I had today - I have not been blogging recently! Obviously I want to change that ;)

Another thought today - Why do we call this season "Spring"? I think my favorite reason I found (based on typing my question into Google...) is that it's "a reference to plants springing from the ground." Seems accurate.

Whatever the reason, I'm happy that the world is turning green and gradually getting warmer, as that makes getting outside a whole lot more inviting. Spring is bringing energy with it this year!

"What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again." ~Suzanne Collins, "Mockingjay"