A Swirl of Delight

As I drove home from a quick errand-run in the darkness of evening, I experienced an emotion that I can only describe as glee. It was a sort of bubbly, joyful exuberance that caused me to smile and almost laugh out loud in my car.

Maybe I did let out a giggle or two.

What had put me in this pleasant mood?

I paid someone a compliment.

Sounds silly, I know, but I've always had trouble remembering to be aware of people around me and telling them the things I notice. But this evening I was feeling particularly observant (maybe it's all those Psych episodes I've been watching...I'm ready to pick up on those subtle clues!) and as I checked out my groceries, I noticed the girl bagging groceries had some very dramatic, glittery eye shadow on, and it struck me as very pretty.

Now, I will be the first to say that women to not need to wear makeup, but dash it all it's fun to put on! I tend to keep my makeup minimalistic and subtle, but when I get the chance to dress up for a special occasion or in costume, figuring out exactly how to make my makeup work is one of my favorite parts. It's not that easy - sort of like painting picture! And depending on your facial features and coloring, the styles you can pull of are sometimes limited.

It also tends to be my mode of operation to not "overdo it" with the eyeliner and lipstick - I've tried it a few times, and always ended up feeling ridiculous when I went out in public. It's just not me.

However, when I see someone else who not only has the guts to wear dramatic makeup in public but also pulls it off with flair? That I have an admiration for.

So tonight, in my observant state of mind, I felt that this young lady had put some effort into her appearance and was rocking it - even if it was just to bag groceries!

Now, when I put an effort into an outfit or hair or appearance in some way and feel especially good about it, there is something thrilling about a totally random stranger giving you a compliment. In fact, just a couple of days ago (ironically, also at the grocery store check-out line...) a lady told me she liked my outfit. It was my birthday, and I was wearing one of my favorite outfits - boots, skinny jeans, tunic top, scarf, and my wool coat. Still, it was a highlight to my day that she not only noticed, but felt strongly enough to say something.

It's these little things that help boost a girl's confidence in herself.

As I gathered up my grocery bags, I looked straight at the girl and told her I thought her makeup was really pretty, and pretty on her.

While I've always been nervous about complimenting people, her reaction made it worth it! If she was pretty before, she grew even more so with the smile she gave me, standing up a little straighter and giving her hair a toss - like she suddenly felt pretty.

And then it hit me - it's these little interactions with people, even random strangers you will likely never see again (though I do frequent the grocery store - hey, a girl's gotta eat!) that truly make life exciting. Allowing yourself to be open to the interactions is the hard part - once you make the decision to stop looking inward and notice the people around you, there is a joy that is irresistible. It was this joy that kept me smiling on my drive home and inspired me to write this post.

I don't open up easily. This interaction seems like a nudge, a gentle reminder that I need to keep working on myself - on my attitude, my confidence, my habits - and keep hoping that I'll get there someday!

What if every time you received a compliment, you had an obligation to return the favor by giving someone else, someone random, a word of kindness? Maybe if more people looked at the world with eyes open to what is good and right, instead of constantly griping about what is ugly and distressing, every day could be filled with small moments of glee.

And let's be honest, it's good to have the urge to giggle every now and again!


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia

Enjoying October

October can be such a lovely month. I don't think I've truly appreciated it much in the last few years, being so busy with school and such. This year, however, I have time to enjoy the changing colors, the crisp fall days, and the treats that scream "Autumn" to me!

Taking a walk the other day with my fiancé, I had to pull my camera out a few times to capture some of the vibrancy that surrounded us. While my pictures don't do the scenery justice, here are a few examples of what I've been spoiled with:

My favorite picture of the evening :) 

The sun was making everything glow!

Not the best picture, but I was trying to capture all the different hues on the bluff. 

These leaves were definitely out to grab attention. 

The serene lake. 

These leaves almost looked pink!

At other times, I've enjoyed cozy movie nights:

All the ingredients for a delightful evening!

And have gotten creative in my spare time, breaking out my sewing machine to make these useful little things: 

No more fear of getting things out of the oven!

It has been a lovely month so far, and I anticipate it continuing so. There have been delightful times with friends, family, and even starting to have moments where I feel like I know something at my job.   I hope everyone is enjoying the fall weather as much as I have been! 

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." 

 ~L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)

Settling Into My Dreams

Last time I wrote, I was dealing with the newness of everything – new job, new apartment, new town, new lifestyle. Not saying I’m all done adjusting – trust me there is still a long ways to go! But things are definitely getting more comfortable (mostly).

For one thing, it’s exciting to live in a city that surrounds me with natural beauty. Going on walks with one’s fiancé is always thrilling, but when every turn offers a view that screams to be captured on camera? All the more enticing!

Here are some that I snapped a few days ago:

Walking around this lake takes close to two hours, give or take depending on how leisurely you are taking it.

It was evening, and the water plants were gorgeous!

There is always something so beckoning about a twist in the road...

I love being close enough to see this guy frequently now!

These ducks were terrifying. I stopped to take their picture because they were all "resting" and "serene". As soon as I stopped, however, the all startled and descended as you see here. I caught this picture and ran away fast!

One of my favorite things about my new living situation is that I have a lot of time to just be me and be creative. It’s a fun time of rediscovering things that I missed doing while stressed and busy with school, but now that my evenings are quiet and I don’t have any homework to worry about, I find myself turning to creative outlets that I have long abandoned.

The first? Watercolor! Since I have Fridays off (hey, I work on Sundays so wipe that jealous look off your face. A girl has to have a day for relaxation!) I have the perfect opportunity to dive into a project while I rest. Last week I painted this following in one day:

So much detail left me with a cramped-up right hand that required some TLC afterward, but it was worth it!

Now this week I thought I’d try something different, but then resorted to watercolor again:

This one I spread out over two days (to reduce hand cramping). Not sure how I feel about it overall, but definitely some things that I am proud of.

The plus side of creating my own artwork is putting it up on “my” walls. This wall was blank, boring, and oppressive before; now it’s bright, cheerful, and inviting. I look forward to adding more over time! (*I should note that I do not draw these pictures – I use sets from Red Farm Studio, which are ready to paint! I believe you can find these at www.redfarm.com. I usually find them at a craft store back home.)

A couple of these are from a few years ago, but I wanted to fill out my collage. Maybe I'll replace them soon - or just keep taking over the wall!

Other projects that I have on the back burner involve sewing, scrapbooking, embroidery, statue painting, and – not the least, wedding planning! (that’s a whole different story…so much to think about!) I get super excited about having time to devote to these endeavors!

When I’m not being creative, I’m reading, watching Lord of the Rings commentaries, working out, or trying to figure out something in the kitchen. Of course during the week I spend my days at work, but I love my two weekend days where I can discover new ways to let my imagination roam.

What does the title to this post mean? Well, at some point I sort of forgot how to make goals for myself, how to dream. This new experience is rather a turning point for me, as I attempt to rediscover what makes me tick, what my ambitions are, what I want from life. Never one who was solely career driven, I do crave the freedom to be creative and cozy and adventurous, but that is just the beginning. I look forward to learning more about myself as this year goes on!

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." 
~Eleanor Roosevelt

A Season of Change

Two weeks ago I was packing a small bag to drive across the state for an interview, not sure if it was even a job I would want but planning to make the most of the trip as long as I was going.

Two days later my weekend plans were altered as I signed papers and looked for an apartment, since they had offered me the job – one that seems almost ideal – three hours after my interview. Needless to say, life has been a bit of a blur since then.

Now, here I am finishing up my third day on the new job. Looking back on the past week and a half of packing up my belongings, moving into my own place, and starting a new job that probably has me looking like a deer-in-the-headlights most of the time, it is starting to sink in that my life is changing.

Of course, part of me knew that my life would change. I’m moving almost six hours away from my family, and even though I’m closer to my fiancé and friends and that will be wonderful, I am going to miss my parents and siblings severely. Especially since my summer was spent soaking up every spare minute I could with my sisters and nephews! I was planning to find a job and move in August or September, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for the full force of what that would entail.

My new position is a dream – I get to work in my beloved Catholic church, directing the liturgy and music side of things. It’s a lot of responsibility and right now I’m still quite overwhelmed with everything I need to know and think about and do, but deep down it feels so right and I believe that once I’ve been there a couple of weeks I’ll grow in confidence and excel in my new employment.

When I get home, however (that may be the first time I’ve purposefully referred to my apartment as “home”…it will get there, but it still seems weird) at first it was exciting – my own place! But the more days that go by the more I realize that I’m going to have many evenings where I’ll probably be a bit lonely, maybe even bored. It’s not that I don’t have things to do – I have a lot of little hobbies and things that I can occupy myself with! But sometimes you just want people to do those things with and that is what I’m realizing will be much less frequent living by myself.

The only other experience I have living away from home was college, which was significant, but then I had a dorm room that I was sharing with other girls and I definitely did not have all my things with me. Now I have officially moved out – there is almost nothing left at home aside from a few keepsake boxes that I will get later on. I left my room looking empty and sounding of echoes. Poor mother would have to finish cleaning and rearranging it to be ready as a guest room in the future. It has to be strange having her baby leave home…

As I make myself an iced coffee and relax in my chair to enjoy it, everywhere I look there are little pieces of me surrounding. Books that I have collected since childhood. Movies I’ve picked up as I can. Posters and artwork that I wanted to display is up on the walls. Keepsakes that still mean so much to me. The furniture arranged exactly as I wanted it to be. It’s a bittersweet sort of feeling, knowing that this is how it should be, how it will be, and yet a great sense of nostalgia pondering what can no longer be and what I’m leaving behind. It’s time to grow up a little bit and become the person my mother has always told me I could be – but I expect there will still be growing pains, even if I won’t really be getting taller.

Not to be depressing – this lengthy account is almost more for my own processing than for sharing, though I think I will share since that makes it more real – I want to end on a positive note. I love having my own kitchen (even if it is extremely sparse at the moment) and knowing that I can experiment and try to hone my cooking skills is an exciting prospect; this may be strange, but having a bathroom that is just for me is SO COOL – I can put stuff all over and not care if it’s in anyone’s way! My view is lovely, looking over a lake; the entire apartment feels cozy and I look forward to sipping hot cocoa and reading a book all curled up in a fuzzy blanket in the cooler evenings that are sure to come. From now on, I am on an adventure called adulthood and I’m excited to see what will happen! And if I can ever figure out how to get my garage door to open…

Hey, I don’t know everything yet! Where would be the fun in that? ;)

My cozy corner, complete with childhood books and maps of my two favorite worlds!

My music corner! Quite pleased with the collage on the wall :) 

Flowers my fiancé surprised me with on my first day of work, and my table in the background. 

The view from my deck! (yes I have a deck...)

All ready for my first day on the job! 

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." ~Maya Angelou

SaveSave

Adventurous Life

"Never lose your sense of adventure."

These words have been running through my head for the past hour or so. I just got back from a lovely walk with my fiancé, and we had some wonderful chats as we strolled along looking at butterflies, clouds, and flowers. One of the topics that came up was the idea that life is an adventure, and that we are so excited to embark on that journey together. Come highs and lows, we will see them through together. It's an amazing concept to think about!

What I've started reflecting on, however, has little to do with my marriage plans and dreams. It has to do with my own attitude and outlook on life. Moving home for a time after graduating from college, it is hard not to feel that somewhere I must have failed, that my achievements have led me nowhere, that I have lost my ambitions. Of course none of this is true, but these sorts of lies creep into our thoughts when we are unaware and try to steal our joy, don't they?

Well, I don't want to lose my joy. I like being an optimistic, happy person. I like being able to jump headfirst into a project and barely come up for air until it is finished. I like feeling useful, needed, wanted. I like knowing that what I'm doing matters.

In many ways, this summer at home has been good for that. I've been able to be helpful in my own family, and I'm stretching myself in new creative ways as I choreograph a musical. Yes, a whole musical! Plus being one of the lead roles, so it's been busy! I have definitely not been idle, no sir. At least, not idle in most senses.

Where I feel that I've lost my way is in monitoring my own motivations and aspirations, and noticing that this is still a chapter in my life's adventure. Sometimes your adventure has times of waiting, of feeling like you are up against a wall with no direction to turn next. But what always happens eventually? You find a loose brick in the wall that reveals a secret entrance, or a tree grows up that allows you to climb over, or a bird swoops in to fly you to your destination. Someway, somehow, it all will work out and you will have lost nothing by waiting; rather, you will have gained so much more by having persevered, having patience, and having the presence of mind to enjoy the breath of air this break allows you.

Life is an adventure. Even when it feels like you are stalling, the pieces of the world are still in motion and you will look back on this time of waiting with gratitude for the space to think, the room to grow, and the memories made without the pressure of deadlines or hectic schedules. You can just BE and discover a bit more of who YOU are, and really - isn't that one of the purposes of going on the adventure in the first place?

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to." 

"I don't much care where - "

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Learning to Fly

And just like that, college was over.

It's crazy to think about how much has happened in the past four years of my life...honestly, I can't comprehend it all so I'll keep it to a list of top 5 HUGE changes that have occurred since I packed up my bags and moved across the state that long-ago-feeling August...

1) Moved away from home and attended school with other people for the first time -  bit of a culture shock for the formerly home-schooled, shy youngest child, but it was necessary for this little bird to jump out of the nest and discover her wings and learn to fly. I still crash into trees and get lost in clouds sometimes, but one day I will climb high enough to clearly see the sun as I soar and it will be glorious.

2) Changed my mind a couple of times about my major, ending up as a Piano Performance Major and preparing both a junior and senior piano recitals...plus a vocal recital just for the heck of it! While my spontaneous decisions forever cause me stress and internal questioning of "what did you get yourself into...", it was all worth it and I'd do it over again in a heartbeat. My senior piano recital was a culmination of all that I've worked so hard to achieve in music over the past four years, and I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be able to play, much less perform, the repertoire that I spent hours upon hours trying to learn and perfect. It was a wonderful experience.

3) Slowly discovered more and more of who I really am, opening up to some people and drifting away from others. It's strange to think of how some people were necessary for growth at one point in my life, but later they might not understand who I am today. It doesn't change the fact that they were an influential part of my own formation, and that will always matter. The support I have received from my friends and family has been incredible, and I would never have gotten where I am today without any one of them.

4) Met, dated, and became engaged to my best friend - someone I met day one of freshman orientation and never imagined I would come to know so well. I could not have believed how blessed my life would become by meeting this amazing young man and learning how to love another with a self-giving, empathetic, and supportive relationship that forever reminds me of how truly incredible God's love is and how perfect His plan is. I am beyond excited and thrilled to be planning my wedding for next summer, and while the year of waiting will be hard, I smile because at the end of this journey I will get to spend my life with someone whose smile lights up my world and will enjoy this crazy adventure called life with passion, sorrow, wonderment, and joy.

5) Speaking of my Heavenly Father....we've had a few ups and downs, but every great relationship has those (I believe). While I know I'm nowhere near being done with my growing faith relationship, there have been many revelations and insights that have been developing over my college years and somehow I feel closer to the Father, even when I'm not consistently spending quality time with him. Because every moment I live is with Him, and even though I may forget that sometimes, He never does. He is ever forgiving, and ever willing to let me try over and over and over again. It's my job to never give up trying.

Of course there was SO MUCH more that happened in the last four years, but I think those five categories sum up a brief peek at where I feel that I've most developed...oh, of course the focus was often on assignments, grades, schedules, and wondering how in the world I was ever going to sleep again. But the truly important items of knowledge that I acquired were not learned in a classroom, and I think the most important lesson to take away is that we are forever learning from our surroundings and experiences, and it is a beautiful experience that we are blessed to endure.


"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all." ~Laura Ingalls Wilder 

Seasons Greetings!

I find it incredibly ironic that the last post I did (way back in September! :0) was on the theme of daring to live, letting dreams become reality, etc.

Flash forward 3-4 months and apparently I have been living because I certainly haven't made time to blog!

Why the sudden change of heart? I took a funny little quiz the other day to see what their opinion of my life's mission was, and they said I should be a blogger. I literally laughed out loud because, as you can see, I am not the most consistent communicator. Still, it did remind me that I enjoy sharing my thoughts and ideas and it wouldn't not be a bad thing to start up again.

I hope everyone had a blessedly merry Christmas! After prepping for a week at home with shopping trips, baking, and other various scamperings, Christmas was beautiful with midnight (okay, 10pm Mass...), Christmas morning Mass (I loved playing the organ!), presents, time spent with family, and overall cheer.

Yesterday all four of my siblings made it home with their families, which made my mom and dad's 40th Anniversary celebration quite special. It was a fun day with everyone contributing a soup to share and other goodies. We also played games, had a whole-family singing/caroling session (breaking into 4-part harmonies as much as possible), and story time with Mom.

Now I'm getting excited to go spend a week with my boyfriend and his family, so we'll see what excitement the New Year's celebrations have in store! Perhaps now is time to start thinking about those resolutions for the new year.... ;)

"Peace begins with a smile..." ~Mother Teresa