Two weeks ago I was packing a small bag to drive across the
state for an interview, not sure if it was even a job I would want but planning
to make the most of the trip as long as I was going.
Two days later my weekend plans were altered as I signed
papers and looked for an apartment, since they had offered me the job – one
that seems almost ideal – three hours after my interview. Needless to say, life
has been a bit of a blur since then.
Now, here I am finishing up my third day on the new job.
Looking back on the past week and a half of packing up my belongings, moving
into my own place, and starting a new job that probably has me looking like a
deer-in-the-headlights most of the time, it is starting to sink in that my life
is changing.
Of course, part of me knew that my life would change. I’m
moving almost six hours away from my family, and even though I’m closer to my
fiancé and friends and that will be wonderful, I am going to miss my parents
and siblings severely. Especially since my summer was spent soaking up every
spare minute I could with my sisters and nephews! I was planning to find a job
and move in August or September, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for the
full force of what that would entail.
My new position is a dream – I get to work in my beloved
Catholic church, directing the liturgy and music side of things. It’s a lot of
responsibility and right now I’m still quite overwhelmed with everything I need
to know and think about and do, but deep down it feels so right and I believe
that once I’ve been there a couple of weeks I’ll grow in confidence and excel
in my new employment.
When I get home, however (that may be the first time I’ve
purposefully referred to my apartment as “home”…it will get there, but it still
seems weird) at first it was exciting – my own place! But the more days that go
by the more I realize that I’m going to have many evenings where I’ll probably
be a bit lonely, maybe even bored. It’s not that I don’t have things to do – I
have a lot of little hobbies and things that I can occupy myself with! But
sometimes you just want people to do those things with and that is what I’m
realizing will be much less frequent living by myself.
The only other experience I have living away from home was
college, which was significant, but then I had a dorm room that I was sharing
with other girls and I definitely did not have all my things with me. Now I
have officially moved out – there is almost nothing left at home aside from a
few keepsake boxes that I will get later on. I left my room looking empty and
sounding of echoes. Poor mother would have to finish cleaning and rearranging
it to be ready as a guest room in the future. It has to be strange having her
baby leave home…
As I make myself an iced coffee and relax in my chair to
enjoy it, everywhere I look there are little pieces of me surrounding. Books
that I have collected since childhood. Movies I’ve picked up as I can. Posters
and artwork that I wanted to display is up on the walls. Keepsakes that still
mean so much to me. The furniture arranged exactly as I wanted it to be. It’s a
bittersweet sort of feeling, knowing that this is how it should be, how it will
be, and yet a great sense of nostalgia pondering what can no longer be and what
I’m leaving behind. It’s time to grow up a little bit and become the person my
mother has always told me I could be – but I expect there will still be growing
pains, even if I won’t really be getting taller.
Not to be depressing – this lengthy account is almost more
for my own processing than for sharing, though I think I will share since that
makes it more real – I want to end on a positive note. I love having my own
kitchen (even if it is extremely sparse at the moment) and knowing that I can
experiment and try to hone my cooking skills is an exciting prospect; this may be
strange, but having a bathroom that is just for me is SO COOL – I can put stuff
all over and not care if it’s in anyone’s way! My view is lovely, looking over a
lake; the entire apartment feels cozy and I look forward to sipping hot cocoa
and reading a book all curled up in a fuzzy blanket in the cooler evenings that
are sure to come. From now on, I am on an adventure called adulthood and I’m
excited to see what will happen! And if I can ever figure out how to get my
garage door to open…
Hey, I don’t know everything yet! Where would be the fun in
that? ;)
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| My cozy corner, complete with childhood books and maps of my two favorite worlds! |
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| My music corner! Quite pleased with the collage on the wall :) |
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| Flowers my fiancé surprised me with on my first day of work, and my table in the background. |
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| The view from my deck! (yes I have a deck...) |
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| All ready for my first day on the job! |
"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." ~Maya Angelou
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